A few weeks ago, after washing our car and admiring how clean and shiny it was a bird shat on it. It wasn’t a little speck it was runny white diarrhea shit. That’s how life is sometimes you know? You do your best and think things are perfect then … life.
It’s been a wild six months since we last updated you about our family plans. The last you read we were going through the adoption process – after many heart-to-hearts and realizing the commitment to care for a special needs child we realized we aren’t in that place in our lives just yet. Adoption is still near and dear to us and we do hope to adopt in the future.
Since adoption was our Plan A, when that fell through we moved to Plan B which was for Mariel to carry the child. After doing some bbt (basal body temp) charting and not seeing very reliable results we realized that pregnancy with her PCOS would likely throw us into financial ruin so we moved to Plan C (very hesitantly) which was for me (Viviana) to get pregnant with a known donor. That plan fell apart as quick as it came about so a lawyer and many tears later we moved onto Plan D which was for us to use a sperm donor.
We decided to use Fairfax Cryobank and narrowed it down to five great prospects. After mulling around about those five we finally narrowed it down to two and eventually down to “the one!” We’re pretty excited about having chosen and purchased a vial of our donor sperm. Of course that’s not all there is to this ttc (trying to conceive) journey. I’ll list everything out that we’ve done/have yet to do!
- Start charting so you know when you’re fertile (you need at least 3 solid months recorded)
- Find a fertility doctor
- Both partners have a ton of blood tests taken
- See a psychologist (Texas required when using donor sperm)
- Find an attorney who can get your second-parent adoption paperwork started (for the non-bio parent)
- Choose the sperm donor
- Purchase the sperm and have it sent to your local cryobank
- Wait for your period to begin (Cycle day 1 is full flow not spotting) and schedule an *HSG test between cycle day 5-10. *The HSG test is optional.
- Cycle days 9-15 test every day with your Clear Blue Easy strips and when you get a big smiley face, call the doctors and they’ll schedule your IUI (intra-uterine insemination) for the very next day!
We aren’t ready to say where we are in this process but we can say we are very excited that our dreams are coming true. I’ve wanted a family for what feels like FOREVER. Oh and in other exciting news we bought a bassinet the other day! I found it on Craigslist for $50 in perfect condition. Score!!
Every one of the numbers on the checklist above is another huge conversation in itself so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me. We’ve gone into this blind and are still learning our way through it all.
The lesbian family making process is not for the weary! There are many times we’ve felt so alone & stressed in this process. It’s tough and in our case has brought us closer together but has hurt so many times. Of course even when we have our baby in our arms, the process won’t be over. We’ll still have to pay tons of money to adopt our own child and I’ll appear to be a single mother on the birth certificate but we trust that its all worth it. Mariel and I do not give up on anything ever. I’m serious! We never stop going up to bat when we want something bad enough. If you’re going through this or know somebody who is, my only advice would be to have patience and take things slow. There is no rushing this baby thing – it takes time and that’s a good thing. Stress can jack up everything so the more zen you are about every step the better off you’ll be in the long run for you, your relationship and the baby.
Baby dust to all you wanna-be mama’s like me :)