Happy New Year! This past week we’ve been finishing up some projects around the house, preparing for Día de los Reyes on January 6th (Three Wise Men Day) and unwinding from the holiday madness that just passed. Between work and our constant flow of out-of-town house guests we tend to stay pretty busy! We are happy and have so much to be thankful for. This past year we have worked hard for and been blessed with so much–a home, a marriage and promotions.
And although all around me there is abundance, my heart aches for a family of our own. To be honest with you, during our downtime I still feel a little empty. When you want something so bad, you want that desire to be fulfilled instantly even though [in our case] it can’t be. The thing is, I’ve always dreamed of being a mother and our little family of two is strong and full of love. We want to share that love.
If you’re like us, the baby conversation happens from the start. When I started dating Mariel nearly three years ago it was with intention; I knew she was the one. We’ve always dreamt of a family, but haven’t ever felt “right” about our baby-making options. The thing is, we just want to be parents. It doesn’t matter to us if our children are biologically ours or not. Sure it stings us a little to think of each other pregnant with a baby that isn’t from both of us but since that’s not scientifically possible, there’s no sense in getting hung up over it.
We’ve gone back and forth about charting, looking into the best basal thermometer to order and then the most interesting –where the heck do we get the sperm! Then the more elaborate conversations of who gets pregnant first? Should we get pregnant together? What if we carry each others egg? Will you love “my” baby like it’s your own? What about adoption?
For a year we’ve had the same conversations. And we’ve cried over it like nobodys business. Most times it’s such a sore subject that we try to ignore it and other times we dream about names together. Then there are the countless times that family members and friends have announced their pregnancies and we’ve watched their bellies grow, felt their tiny miracles kick and while all of that is a joy, we wonder when it’ll be our turn? When will we be mothers?
Yet through all these moments there’s only been one idea that we’ve come back to and felt excited about: adoption. My wife works for the state and deals heavily with cases of abused and neglected children so this topic has always been heavy on our hearts.
At different times over the last year, Mariel would bring it up, then a month or two later I would, but every time we’d drop it. Our initial concern was “there’s no way we can afford it” but after a lot of research we emailed a private adoption agency that we’ve heard good things about with a ton of questions and got answers to all of them that very same afternoon. To tell you that we were overjoyed would be an understatement.
Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
We found out that we can adopt in our state even though we are a lesbian couple and that the fees are nominal if we adopt through the state. After filling out a 54 page Adoption & Foster Family Application Package we are enrolled in our training classes that start next week and we couldn’t be more excited! It feels right to start our family this way — after all, love is what makes a family.
Even though we don’t have a baby growing in our bellies, we won’t have sonogram pictures to share with you , the sex of our child is a mystery and we don’t know the color of our perfect childs skin, we hope that you’ll join us in this journey. It’s scary territory for us and there’s a million steps before we reach the finish line but the call to adopt has been placed on our hearts so there is nothing we can do but be patient, prepare and take things as they come. We know that the right child will be placed with us when it’s the right time. Until then, we are going to keep doing our thing!
Viviana + Mariel