Hoping the 3rd time is a charm

 

 

blessing quote

Hi loves! I have some good news and some bad news – I’ll start with the bad so we can end this on a high note :)

So I found out on my 30th birthday last week that IUI #2 was a bust. We were not pregnant. I asked a million questions – “should I start fertility meds?”, “should I inseminate the day I surge instead of the day after or the day of and the day after?” , “what can I do so that we aren’t having this conversation again?” Her answers to my questions were “no”, “no” and “have faith in this process; we’ve been doing it a long time and it will work.”

She then went on to say that after looking over my chart and workup she highly suggested we consider switching donors. What’s interesting is that we’d already been talking about doing just that – so we dried our eyes, called the sperm bank to ask them questions and went about looking for baby daddy numero dos. This next dude better have some good stuff!

When speaking to the sperm bank they mentioned that we can ask for higher count vials – who in the heck would want low count vials? Makes no sense but ladies, ask for high count vials when you order from Fairfax Cryobank! It’s a waste of money otherwise as we’ve learned the hard way.

Now that we have chosen another donor, we’re excited to move forward and try again. This whole process has been tough because you’re spending so much money, you’re so hopeful and you want to start a family so badly but there’s literally nothing you can do about it but be patient, not give up and trust it will happen when it’s supposed to. Of course that’s easier said than done – I want to obsess over everything but all that does is consume my life and I can’t live like that. Every single day we talk about the process, about our future baby, how we want to parent, what the nursery will look like, wonder about how being pregnant will affect our relationship and then we always promise each other to be patient and great listeners to one anothers needs.

Thankfully every let down has done nothing but make us band closer together and move forward with more intent and faith than the time before. When we become pregnant and give birth to our baby, he/she will be so loved and so well planned for. But as we’ve been experiencing, plans are only good intentions!

Since we’re trying again in the near future, I’ll have more updates for you soon.

Baby dust,

Vivianarchy

The TWW is killing me

Hi Loves! A lot has happened since June and I’ve been hesitating to share since this is such a personal and emotional process. But not sharing is also very isolating so here goes!

Since June, we’ve inseminated twice. IUI #1 (intra uterine insemination) was in June and was textbook – I took my temperature every single day, I ovulated on the predicted date, we went in for the procedure, I went home and put my legs up and that was it! Two weeks later, BFN (big fat negative).  We were devastated! I did everything I was supposed to (even had acupuncture!) and the sperm count was high at over 11 million sperm so why didn’t one of those millions of swimmers find my egg?! Being a lesbian, you don’t really know for sure how “easy” it is to get pregnant because you have no contact with sperm. We were oh so hopeful for the first round and it took us a while to get over the fact we weren’t pregnant.

From there we set out planning IUI #2. The first round turned me into an insane person and put a strain on my relationship so for #2 I wanted to be less stressed so we opted to not take my temperature anymore.

Since we started this journey I hoped to try back to back with no time off in between. But we had a big trip planned in July/August to Miami & Costa Rica so July wasn’t an option – we needed every penny for our vacation!

I got AF (aunt flow) at the tail end of our Costa Rica trip so the cycle began all over again. Three days after we returned I scheduled my HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) test to be performed on Cycle Day (CD) 10, August 13th. It’s a very uncomfortable procedure where they shoot dye inside of you to see if your tubes are blocked but the test also serves as a way to flush the fallopian tubes and women are usually more fertile up to 3 months after the procedure is done.  It was optional and the cost was totally out of pocket but I’m willing to do anything to increase my chances of conception! From there I expected to ovulate on CD14 – but ended up ovulating early on CD12.

Excited we called the cryobank and our doctor and scheduled IUI#2 for the next day. It was a Saturday which was amazing because I didn’t have to work, we could just relax all day. It was also exciting because it was the first time something wasn’t planned – it just happened which felt right.

Fast forward to today, I’m 11DPIUI (days past IUI). We go in for a blood test THIS FRIDAY (13DPIUI) to find out if I’m pregnant or not. Friday, August 29th is coincidentally also my 30th Birthday so I’m a wreck! I want to be excited for my birthday but this process is so all encompassing that I basically don’t give a crap about my birthday. Isn’t that terrible! I also keep thinking God wouldn’t do that to me – why would he give me a BFN on my birthday? C’mon God you know that’s cruel! All I want for my birthday is a BFP! (big fat positive)

If you’ve gone through this you know the TWW (two week wait) is agonizing. Luckily I’ve had friends and family making me feel optimistic about it. My new friend and neighbor even brought me good luck socks in green and a little jar of baby dust! It was the sweetest thing and made me feel good about this whole thing. This round feels different and there are signs everywhere but you know how it is – when you want something really bad, everything is a sign!

We’re doing everything to stay busy and keep ourselves occupied until Friday. Baby dust to all of you out there in the same boat. All we can do is stay positive and hopeful and trust that pregnancy will happen when it’s our turn. If we get our BFP, you’ll hear me screaming with joy and if I don’t I’ll post about our plans for Round #3 next month.

Much love,

Vivianarchy

Update

A few weeks ago, after washing our car and admiring how clean and shiny it was a bird shat on it. It wasn’t a little speck it was runny white diarrhea shit. That’s how life is sometimes you know? You do your best and think things are perfect then … life.

It’s been a wild six months since we last updated you about our family plans. The last you read we were going through the adoption process – after many heart-to-hearts and realizing the commitment to care for a special needs child we realized we aren’t in that place in our lives just yet. Adoption is still near and dear to us and we do hope to adopt in the future.

Since adoption was our Plan A, when that fell through we moved to Plan B which was for Mariel to carry the child. After doing some bbt (basal body temp) charting and not seeing very reliable results we realized that pregnancy with her PCOS would likely throw us into financial ruin so we moved to Plan C (very hesitantly) which was for me (Viviana) to get pregnant with a known donor. That plan fell apart as quick as it came about so a lawyer and many tears later we moved onto Plan D which was for us to use a sperm donor.

We decided to use Fairfax Cryobank and narrowed it down to five great prospects. After mulling around about those five we finally narrowed it down to two and eventually down to “the one!”  We’re pretty excited about having chosen and purchased a vial of our donor sperm. Of course that’s not all there is to this ttc (trying to conceive) journey. I’ll list everything out that we’ve done/have yet to do!

  1. Start charting so you know when you’re fertile (you need at least 3 solid months recorded)
  2. Find a fertility doctor
  3. Both partners have a ton of blood tests taken
  4. See a psychologist (Texas required when using donor sperm)
  5. Find an attorney who can get your second-parent adoption paperwork started (for the non-bio parent)
  6. Choose the sperm donor
  7. Purchase the sperm and have it sent to your local cryobank
  8. Wait for your period to begin (Cycle day 1 is full flow not spotting) and schedule an *HSG test between cycle day 5-10. *The HSG test is optional.
  9. Cycle days 9-15 test every day with your Clear Blue Easy strips and when you get a big smiley face, call the doctors and they’ll schedule your IUI (intra-uterine insemination) for the very next day!

We aren’t ready to say where we are in this process but we can say we are very excited that our dreams are coming true. I’ve wanted a family for what feels like FOREVER. Oh and in other exciting news we bought a bassinet the other day! I found it on Craigslist for $50 in perfect condition. Score!!

Every one of the numbers on the checklist above is another huge conversation in itself so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me. We’ve gone into this blind and are still learning our way through it all.

The lesbian family making process is not for the weary! There are many times we’ve felt so alone & stressed in this process. It’s tough and in our case has brought us closer together but has hurt so many times. Of course even when we have our baby in our arms, the process won’t be over. We’ll still have to pay tons of money to adopt our own child and I’ll appear to be a single mother on the birth certificate but we trust that its all worth it. Mariel and I do not give up on anything ever. I’m serious! We never stop going up to bat when we want something bad enough. If you’re going through this or know somebody who is, my only advice would be to have patience and take things slow. There is no rushing this baby thing – it takes time and that’s a good thing. Stress can jack up everything so the more zen you are about every step the better off you’ll be in the long run for you, your relationship and the baby.

Baby dust to all you wanna-be mama’s like me :)

Vivianarchy

THE BEST IS YET TO COME

new_beginnings_post

Happy New Year! This past week we’ve been finishing up some projects around the house, preparing for Día de los Reyes on January 6th (Three Wise Men Day) and unwinding from the holiday madness that just passed. Between work and our constant flow of out-of-town house guests we tend to stay pretty busy! We are happy and have so much to be thankful for. This past year we have worked hard for and been blessed with so much–a home, a marriage and promotions.

And although all around me there is abundance, my heart aches for a family of our own. To be honest with you, during our downtime I still feel a little empty. When you want something so bad, you want that desire to be fulfilled instantly even though [in our case] it can’t be. The thing is, I’ve always dreamed of being a mother and our little family of two is strong and full of love. We want to share that love.

If you’re like us, the baby conversation happens from the start. When I started dating Mariel nearly three years ago it was with intention; I knew she was the one. We’ve always dreamt of a family, but haven’t ever felt “right” about our baby-making options. The thing is, we just want to be parents. It doesn’t matter to us if our children are biologically ours or not. Sure it stings us a little to think of each other pregnant with a baby that isn’t from both of us but since that’s not scientifically possible, there’s no sense in getting hung up over it.

We’ve gone back and forth about charting, looking into the best basal thermometer to order and then the most interesting –where the heck do we get the sperm! Then the more elaborate conversations of who gets pregnant first? Should we get pregnant together? What if we carry each others egg? Will you love “my” baby like it’s your own? What about adoption?

For a year we’ve had the same conversations. And we’ve cried over it like nobodys business. Most times it’s such a sore subject that we try to ignore it and other times we dream about names together. Then there are the countless times that family members and friends have announced their pregnancies and we’ve watched their bellies grow, felt their tiny miracles kick and while all of that is a joy, we wonder when it’ll be our turn? When will we be mothers?

Yet through all these moments there’s only been one idea that we’ve come back to and felt excited about: adoption. My wife works for the state and deals heavily with cases of abused and neglected children so this topic has always been heavy on our hearts.

At different times over the last year, Mariel would bring it up, then a month or two later I would, but every time we’d drop it. Our initial concern was “there’s no way we can afford it” but after a lot of research we emailed a private adoption agency that we’ve heard good things about with a ton of questions and got answers to all of them that very same afternoon. To tell you that we were overjoyed would be an understatement.

Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

We found out that we can adopt in our state even though we are a lesbian couple and that the fees are nominal if we adopt through the state. After filling out a 54 page Adoption & Foster Family Application Package we are enrolled in our training classes that start next week and we couldn’t be more excited! It feels right to start our family this way — after all, love is what makes a family.

Even though we don’t have a baby growing in our bellies, we won’t have sonogram pictures to share with you , the sex of our child is a mystery and we don’t know the color of our perfect childs skin, we hope that you’ll join us in this journey. It’s scary territory for us and there’s a million steps before we reach the finish line but the call to adopt has been placed on our hearts so there is nothing we can do but be patient, prepare and take things as they come. We know that the right child will be placed with us when it’s the right time. Until then, we are going to keep doing our thing!

Much love,

Viviana + Mariel